Have you met Mr Friendly ?
The idea for a symbol to encourage discussion of HIV status is long overdue. For years, HIV+ men chatting on gay websites have been treated rudely. Poz men have been too scared to approach someone in a bar because they were too afraid to eventually have to disclose their status. Pozphobia, the fear of HIV, is running rampant in our community and leading to unsafe behaviors. Honest communication is key to the successful squelching of this pozphobic epidemic.
The symbol “Mr. Friendly” has a black positive sign for a nose and a black negative sign for a left winking eye. His right eye is blue and has a big red smile with a plain white background. The color scheme comes from the colors of the leather pride flag – red, blue, white and black. While it may not be an important distinction for outside the leather community, the colors make sense for a basic smile face.
The symbol is intended for use in person and on-line. A person can wear a button on his jacket, shirt or vest letting others in the community know that he is status-friendly. People in the leather community often wear pins on a leather vest. A jpeg file can be downloaded onto a profile (or a picture of the person wearing a Mr Friendly button if the website doesn’t allow symbols to be on a profile) to show that he/she is status-friendly. The term “status friendly” is worded in such a way because it doesn’t imply someone’s HIV status either way. The more common term “poz-friendly” implies that the person is HIV negative. Some negative men have experienced discrimination for not being poz. The goal for Mr. Friendly is that both poz or neg people can wear the pin to encourage a safe disclosure of HIV status without disclosing their own status publicly.
By wearing a Mr Friendly pin, you are letting others now that they can disclose their status safely without fear of social rejection. The pin also reminds the wearer to bring up the topic of HIV status in negotiation for a sexual encounter or simply helping other HIV+ people feel more accepted. Consider the statistic that most poz men have not disclosed their HIV status prior to a sexual encounter. One might think that this is largely due to the fact that poz men are continually turned down for sex or treated rudely once they disclose their status. Likewise, a jpeg of Mr Friendly on a profile would encourage discussion of HIV status on-line. Poz men are often ignored or dismissed as soon as their status is disclosed. This treatment can lead to unsafe behaviors and a fear of disclosing in the future. Many men choose not to get an HIV test simply because they don’t want to find out that they might be HIV+.
The main goal for Mr Friendly is to help ease the topic of HIV status into conversation in both the on-line and face-to-face world. The knowledge of how to prevent the spread of HIV is out there. We all need to now empower ourselves to bring up the topic of HIV status and to make our anti-pozphobia attitudes be known.
til there’s a cure…